Begin Again
by vldatcjv
Summary: Clarke Griffin has been having trouble for the past eight months believing love had anything to offer her after her messy break-up with her ex-boyfriend. She refuses to let herself fall in love again but a certain brunette just makes her forget about all the hurt. One-shot based on a song by Taylor Swift of the same title. There will be more one-shots added.
1. Begin Again - Taylor Swft

Clarke looked in the mirror, inspecting the clothes she had decided on for the day. She let out a breath, finally smiling as she decided she did indeed like the casual look she had put together, with a touch of class. The twenty one year old added a slight heel, adding an extra two inches to her average height. She finally decided she was pleased enough in the way she looked to leave her home. She locked her door, plugging her headphones in and playing her favorite playlist: Positive Vibes. When 'The Middle' by Jimmy Eat World came on, she couldn't help but feel mixed emotions.

She remembered her ex, a boy she never wanted to remember. She remembered how he would've made her change her shoes, hating that the extra two inches made her match his height. She remembered how every time she played this song, he'd practically have a screaming battle with her until she turned it off. She never understood him much.

When she finally reached the little cafe, she closed her eyes, so used to waiting for hours for the boy she thought was the love of her life to arrive. Which is what brought about a pleasant surprise when she opened her eyes and there she was, the poster picture for beauty and grace. The brunette with the most vibrant green eyes waved, smiling that huge smile that made Clarke's insides get all twisted up; in a good way. The girl, who was now a bit shorter due to Clarke's heels, smiled as she pulled the chair out, helping the blonde in before sitting across from her.

"Hello Clarke." The girl said with a smile that Clarke was afraid to admit she'd fallen in love with.

"Hello, Lexa."

They ordered their dinner, finishing within twenty minutes, yet they still sat there, just talking.

"You know, Clarke, I have never met any girl who has as many James Taylor records as I do. Most people our age think he's too old for us. But I believe he's a classic. I'd take him over Twenty One Pilots any day."

Clarke smiled and nodded, "I love classics."

Lexa told Clarke about the time she had thought her sister died, and then the time she knew she did. Yet, for some reason, Lexa couldn't quite figure out why Clarke was being so quiet and reserved. She could even go as far as saying shy. Lexa had been doing most of the talking for the past hour, but the blonde had barely done any.

But Clarke knew why. For every second she remembered the boy, she was pushed further back into her shell. He always shut down her stories, found the flaws in them, and called her out for every stupid thing she had ever done in her life. Eight months ago, when he had broken up with her, Clarke's heart had been completely shattered. She was more than unhappy in the relationship, but he was the only love she had never known. And when he decided he was done with her, she decided she was done with love. But that Wednesday almost two months ago when she had met Lexa at the exact same table they were sitting at now, she experienced a feeling she had never felt before.

When the cafe finally had to close at ten o'clock, the two girls had been kicked out. The woman who ran the shop, Indra, had hated to do so. She loved seeing the two girls in there every day, but she had to get home to her own wife and kids. The chill of early December had caused Lexa to shiver a little bit, Clarke removing her jacket and giving it to the other. Although the brunette tried to refuse it and make the blonde put it back on, Clarke just shoved it on Lexa's shoulders, and that was the end of it.

As they walked to Clarke's car, she almost brought up the boy who had shattered her heart into a million pieces. But Lexa brought up the movies her family watched every Christmas, and Clarke wanted to talk about that as well. For the first time in months, Clarke was finally happy with where she was.

The two just couldn't bare to part. Lexa knew her home would be empty, and after having an entire night with Clarke, she wanted nothing but to be close to her. Clarke happily allowed the girl into her car, where they laughed and talked for another ten minutes as Clarke drove back to her apartment. When they arrived, they were careful to be quiet as they knew the blonde's roommate would be asleep.

Somehow, at midnight, they had decided that they wanted to make cookies. After realizing neither of them wanted cookies, they resulted in tossing flour at each other for what felt like a happy eternity. Clarke smiled as she saw Lexa throw her head back and laugh like a little kid, then and there deciding that the sound was her favorite and deciding to do whatever possible to make it happen as often as possible.

And suddenly, Lexa and Clarke are both on the ground, covered in flour, neither of them able to spot laughing long enough to breathe. Clarke's roommate, Raven, came out of her room to figure out why her home was so noisy at a time when both her and Clarke were usually sleeping. But now, watching the pair laugh consistently, Raven decided to take a picture that she would send to Clarke later, and leave to spend the night at Octavia's place.

It was nearing one o'clock when they had gotten over their giggle phase. They had jumped from place to place in the apartment, getting all of their laughs out before they finally settled on the couch. Though they were both covered in flour and slightly sweaty, Lexa sat in Clarke's arms and couldn't help but know that those arms were made to be wrapped around herself.

She looked into Clarke's blue eyes, speaking barely above a whisper, "Ready to finish this night the right way?"

Clarke smiled as she closed the gap between their lips, pulling away after a few seconds and admiring the beauty of the girl that she undoubtedly knew now that she was in love with.

"I'm ready to begin this life the right way."


	2. Welcome To My Life - Simple Plan

"Hey Clarke?"

Lexa's voice was soft and quiet as she was relaxed into Clarke's side, the blonde girl kissing the brunette's head and humming in reply.

"Do you ever feel like breaking down?"

Clarke was slightly confused by Lexa's sudden prompt. "What are you talking about Lex?"

"Do you ever feel out of place? Like…."

Lexa thought for a second before opening her mouth again, "Like somehow you just don't belong, and no one understands you?"

Clarke wanted to answer but Lexa seemed too much in her own brain to even realize Clarke was speaking.

"Do you ever want to run away? Do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio on, turned up so loud, that no one hears you screaming?"

Lexa suddenly became angry, and Clarke knew it. The clenched fists and jaw, the way her eyes went dark, how she sa up straight instead of her previous position. The brunette turned her head to face Clarke, waiting for her answer.

Clarke slowly shook her head, "No, Lexie, I haven't."

"Then you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright. You don't know what it's like to be like me."

Blue eyes met darkened green as Clarke studied her best friend. Or maybe they were girlfriends, nobody was really quite sure what the pair were to each other. Her eyes had turned from happiness to pure hatred, a way Clarke had only seen her look at other people. Too shocked to move, she sat with her arms still around the other girl.

Lexa continued in her rage, "To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark."

Clarke tried to interrupt, making Lexa raise her volume to talk over her, "To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down, when no one's there to save. You _don't_ know what it's like."

The blonde fell silent, not sure what to say until Lexa looked up into Clarke's eyes, "Welcome to my life."

Lexa had been having those sorts of outbursts a lot more recently. If she was being honest, Clarke was terrified of what was going on in Lexa's head. But she let the girl talk it out every time.

* * *

The next time Lexa spoke like that, she was watching Clarke draw while they were sitting on the couch together.

"I want to be somebody else."

Clarke raised an eyebrow as she looked at the girl. "Well, I don't want you to be."

"I'm sick of feeling so left out."

A sigh escaped Clarke's lips as she looked at Lexa fully, putting her sketchbook down to try and calm the girl down.

"I was desperate to find something more before my life was over. I was stuck inside a world I hated, I was sick of everyone around. With their big, fake smiles, and stupid lie. While deep inside-"

She looked Clarke directly in the eyes, her green eyes displaying sadness. "I was bleeding."

Without another word from either of them, Clarke pulled Lexa as close to her as possible, the younger girl collapsing in Clarke's arms in tears.

* * *

The final time, Lexa was enraged. Clarke was trying to calm her down, trying to talk to her about the good things in her life and how happy they were when Lexa snapped.

" _No one_ ever lied straight to your face, _no one_ ever stabbed you in the back. You might think I'm happy, but I'm not going to be okay. Everybody _always_ gave you what you you wanted. You _never_ had to work, it was always there. You _don't_ you what it's like."

Clarke knew all the things coming out of Lexa's mouth were true. Clarke came from a rich family. Her mother was a doctor, her father the mayor of their city. Everything was always handed to her, and it was handed to her on a silver platter. She hadn't lifted a finger to get into one of the most prestigious schools on the east coast. She had her success story already written for her the moment she was born.

Lexa, on the other hand, was not so lucky. She was born and raised in a small country called Polis. She came out to her parents as gay when she was only eleven years old, and she was the disgrace of the family. She got ridiculed and bullied daily at school. Her older sister, Anya, could not help her out of fear that she would too have these things done to her. Anya was gay as well, but she couldn't have what was done to her sister done to her. But, no matter what she did in public, Anya invited Lexa into her bed every night, and let the younger girl cry her eyes out.

When Lexa turned thirteen she began to hit those who bullied her back, twice as hard. When her sister was killed a year later, she was blamed for it, though everybody knew it was a way of telling Lexa she better back down. And, because she didn't want to lose Aden either, she dropped out of school and refused to come out of the house.

When her parents decided she was too much of a disappointment for them to even live with when she turned fifteen, they kicked her out. She managed just enough money to get a place on a cargo ship to the United States to start fresh. She missed her brother dearly. He never quite understood what was happening, he was only eight when she was kicked out.

She enrolled in a public high school in Washington DC at the age of seventeen and tested into a sophomore level. That's where she met Clarke. Though her friends weren't too fond of the girl who had "intruded" in their friend group that had been secured since kindergarten, Clarke insisted they be nice to the girl. At first, Lexa would stay completely silent and wouldn't sit near anyone but Clarke. As she began to know the group more, she became a bit more outgoing.

She learned how Monty and Jasper had been best friends from the moment Jasper stole a flower for Monty from the garden at school in preschool, and although they both claimed to be straight, the other eight members of the group assured her that they were just closeted gays. She learned that Emori too came from Polis, and spoke her language, Trigedasleng. She learned Clarke was bisexual when she learned her and Octavia dated during their freshman year. She learned that Raven was bicurious from the party the group had dragged Lexa to where the pair made out. She learned Clarke had a crush on her when Clarke flipped out after that same make our session.

Clarke thought for awhile, not sure how to answer Lexa's meltdown. After almost five minutes of silence, she finally opened her mouth, "I love you."

The twenty-one year old brunette looked at her, stunned at the words. "I-I-"

She was cut off by a knock at the door downstairs, both of the girls slowly getting up and walking down to the door of their shared apartment. Lexa stood back as Clarke opened the door, taking a good look at the person at the other side.

It was a boy with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He stood slightly taller than the two girls, and as soon as Lexa saw him, she knew exactly who he was. "Aden."

She didn't even give the boy a chance to respond before pulling him into a tight hug, both of them now crying. Immediately upon hearing the name, Clarke knew who the boy was. And if she hadn't know the boy was Lexa's little brother, she would've been completely shocked at how tightly she held the boy. They stood there for what felt like an eternity before finally pulling away. Lexa was crying. Clarke had seen Lexa cry before, she was actually the only person in the entire city of Washington DC who had ever seen Lexa Woods cry.

After another five minutes Lexa was finally able to speak, "Clarke, this is my little brother, Aden. Aden, this is my girlfriend."

Clarke graciously accepted Aden's hug but gulped when she heard him whisper in her ear, "Don't you dare even think about hurting my sister."

"Aden, what are you doing here?"

Lexa couldn't contain her excitement brought to her by seeing her now sixteen-year-old brother for the first time in eight years.

Aden smiled a sad smile, looking down at his feet, "Seems as though mom and dad made three mistakes."

Lexa's eyes widened, "Y-you're gay too?"

He slowly nodded before speaking, "Remember Kayd? He's my Costia."

The brunette looked at Clarke before biting her lip and smiling. "That's cool kid, but you have to find your Clarke."


	3. One More Weekend - Against the Current

"Hello?"

"O? I know it's been a hot minute. Everything's the same but different. And everyone's moved on or stayed too long doing the same things. I can't help but miss it. And I just, I thought I'd come back and visit you once I'd moved on. But, we just, we have a lot of history. Is it too late?"

Octavia sighed on the other side of the phone. "Clarke, things are diff-"

"Listen, I _know_ we went our separate ways. But, I just called to say, I'm back home for the weekend. I called you up before but Bell said you were asleep. I just wanna do those things we used to do. Remember?"

"Remember what?"

Clarke smiled. "Back when we ran the neighborhood streets. Wrote our names in the wet cement? I know we can't go back. But we can pretend, just for one more weekend?"

"That's ridiculous, it would only end in us getting hurt!"

"Octavia. We said forever, back when we thought our time together would ever stop. It did, though. We're not kids anymore."

"No, we're not. That's why we _shouldn't_ do this."

"Y'know. I've got our photos in a drawer. People just don't keep those anymore. But, I did. You can't get rid of who we were before."

The brunette fell silent on the other side.

"Monday will wash away the fantasies, we can go back to reality. But, we've got forever between now and then. Can't we pretend for one more weekend?"

Octavia took a deep breath before giving a short answer, "Fine."


	4. Boys in the Street - Greg Holden

At thirteen-years-old, John Murphy was already a disappointment to his father.

"You'll never amount to _anything_ special. You're the last I wanted, the last thing I need. How am I going to answer when my friends tell me that my son was kissing boys in the street?"

He continually tried to change John, pushing him to play with girls and get a girlfriend.

"Murphy, you're embarrassing the country. How could you do this to the family? Do you want to grow up being lonely? You know, we've worked for our money, we've put you in school. Do you think is cool? Is this how you repay us? Stop kissing boys in the street!"

With Murphy now sixteen-years-old, David Murphy was a little closer with his son. He said he was okay with his son's sexuality, but his actions made it clear that he was not. He just wouldn't treat Murphy the same way he treated his wife and step-daughter.

"John, you are part of this family, I made you myself. But, the way that you're acting, it just isn't good for your health. My son, stop kissing boys in the street."

Twenty-year-old Murphy now sat in a chair beside his father's death bed, silently cursing cancer even though his father and him had never been on the best of terms. After what felt like an eternity of silence, his father finally broke the silence.

His voice was low and you could hear his struggle. "Murph, there was just no way of knowing. All I was ever told is that men only love women, but now? I'm just not sure. John? Keep kissing boys in the street. When I'm gone? _Please_ keep kissing boys in the street. I love you, son."

The man let his eyes close slowly and Murphy heard the machine let out a long beep, his father was dead.


End file.
